THE PAST PRESENT

The Past Present

You live in the past

Over and over

Each time you

Come alive 

I've been there before

So many times

Except for 

The first time

I quietly listen

For in your past

I spoke up

Not noticed

My sisters and I

Live in the now

Not sure why

We wonder

Your past was better

Ours wasn't great

You had fun

No sadness

I used to dread

Your past visits

Then I saw

Your present

I love my present

You love your past

I'll listen again

With interest

August 24, 2015

Mum's the World

Mum's the World

My mother lives
In a nursing home

Sometimes she says
She wants to go

Back to her home
"Back to Cambridge"

That is one of the many
Reasons why she can't

For her house and home
Of her last 58 years

Where she raised kids
Is not in Cambridge

She often has a look
Of wonder and asks

"Have you heard anything...
From my parents?"

Of all the illnesses
Dementia scares me the most

In hindsight we realized
There were signs long ago

They were camouflaged in
A masquerade of denial

It developed so slowly
It wasn't recognized

Until there was no doubt
Our mother was gone

A moment of clarity
Is a setback from hell

My mother returns
But only for a minute

That minute's too long
Her eyes show her terror

A confused look, knowing
Something is horribly wrong

I used to forget and
Become a daughter

Once again, grasping
For the old connection

But now I know
To hold on and ride it out

I prepare for a crash
Landing into Orphanhood

My mother is gone
I'm glad for her sake

My visits are short now
She lives in the moment

She is well cared for
By kind and gentle caregivers

The nurses of the nursing home
Are the saints and heroes

Of my world.

March 13, 2014

CHA,CHA,CHA, CHANGE IS.

Cha, Cha, Cha, Change Is

Spring is here, not just on paper.

The inevitable shift took place.

From instinct,

For better-

Nature

Has decided.

It's time to move forward.

Not because everyone says so.

I am ready,

Regrets are over.

Past has passed,

Dust is settled.

Once afraid to take a step,

I live with an excitement

I can't recognize,

Because

It's been

So long.

The old crutches are gone.

Festering cracks forced my weak hand

To let go

As the splinters, half in the bag,

Were trashed then

Twisted, into a tight knot.

Warm feelings stream around me.

Due to an occasional dip,

Bad memories

Of the cruel, sharp, bitter coldness

Aren't yet forgotten,

But melt in an instant.

Spring's new shoots and bits of growth,

Will live, growing strong, healthy and productive.

Despite the strangler

Vines and rot,

They will thrive

And flourish, enthusiastically.

Yes!  Spring has arrived!

There's a fresh breeze of change,

The stubborn stench

Of stagnation dried up.

Minds are opening,

As well as windows.

Monday, April 29, 2013

BACKBURNER FRIENDSHIPS

Back Burner Friendships

Neglected &
Overlooked
Eventually get
To a boiling point

Steaming, stewing
While ignored
Crying out
Like a kettle whistle

A deaf ear
Turned to
Yet, again
Same excuses

Burnt & Charred
Beyond recognition
A hot soak &
Scouring pointless

The damage
Is done
The handy man
Can't fix it

No matter how
Gently sand blasted
Or elbow greased
The shiny patina

Is still too rough
To reheat anything good
It's time to give up
Being second griddle

Summer 2012

FREEDOM IS ANOTHER WORLD

 

Freedom is Another World

Free at last?
For the moment.

Free now lost.
Where to start?

Who am I?
I don't remember.

Who I was.
Or wanted to be?

I can relate
To paroled convicts.

On their own
From their cells.

Which fork to take?
Or use with certainty.

Does it matter?
Questions in me.

Late Spring 2012

CALLMA KARMA

I believe in Callma.


Not to be confused with Karma
(Although it was spelled out on the Car, Ma!)

The Golden rule of coming
And Going
Around
And about
A round-about
A rotary-phone
Callma.

Arriving safely
To Destination
Just-in-nature
To ease her
Wondering mind
Callma.


Mother's instincts
Stuck in past
Imagining wrecks
On the over-pass
Text Two Words or
Callma.

Easy riders
Some by tow
Stop and focus
Slowly go
Ahead then
Callma.

Karma's kicking
Back at me
I stopped calling
And so did he.
Callma!

I stopped calling
Quit the team
Of members craving
Self esteem
Both sides lost
Callma

By out of mind
And out of sight
The memories fade
But not at night
Heart aches both ways
Until sunlight
Callma

I will call
To be reminded
Why I stopped
Now wondering
Why did I (bother to) call!?
Callma... blues!

But, I do hope
If he does call
He'll wonder why
He doesn't call more often.
Callma x


Early Spring 2012

OUTLAWS SHOW DOWN

 

 

OUTLAWS SHOW DOWN


It had been a long while

Since I had visited the spot


Where the yankee out laws

Meet to swap, toast and eat


As I approached the counter

The vigilant grande dame


Was polite, but straight-faced

As her cold greeting told me


I knew I had been set up

Stabbed right in the back


By the sorted conniver

Twisting my words of truth


Into small darts of hate

To make her look better


Than she ever has been

To the naive very few left


Who still trust her spews

As she tries to protect


Her ring of fake junk

Paste and tarnished, full costume


As my partner finally entered

The show down became up


Because blood lines,  get no blame

For gossip & hearsay, true or not


One time this would have hurt me

But now, the joke's on them


For I want no part of their booty

Precious family jewels have gone


The honest and genuine gems

Are now displayed brilliantly


In safe and secure settings

A case of authenticity, at last


Some pearls, not cultured or real

Who chant "You should..." remain


Dependent on the rest, for now

Until they realize that


They don't have to be there

Banished in a hideout with


Some locked in the closet

With beards showing signs of wear


The miser boasts about favorites

Not counting present company


Who links the chain, so eager to please

The braggart, but is overlooked


The owner's gracious hospitality

Makes me feel welcome and loved


As I, stone sober, watch

The time slip by and slowly


All but the grande dame

Relax as the wine bottles drain


And I think it's too bad

She doesn't know the real truth


Yet, I'm too tired to worry

Because I know it, and


That's all I care about.

Summer 2012